


Dave: Unpack Boxes

by Garthola



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Bro, Albino Dave Strider, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Blood, Child Abuse, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hispanic Karkat, Humanstuck, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Karkat Swearing, M/M, Self-Hatred, Sexual Tension, Substance Abuse, Swearing, Violence, is gonna b added shortly, of course pfft, shocking right, so shit changes based off my mood, the plot is made up as i go
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-01 00:39:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10910751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garthola/pseuds/Garthola
Summary: Daves just moved halfway across the country, and he’s convinced he can handle himself without the help of anyone. Especially the angry fucker that thinks yelling at him everyday is a great idea.((I have no idea what i'm doing i got like a really loose plot going rn but  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ))





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Doop de Doop gimme constructive criticism bc I winging it man. Also I may go back and do the color n shit for the pesterlogs but its midnight rn and im dying inside

Moving across the country wasn’t really how I expected my summer to go, but somehow I was sat in the car leaning my head against the window watching houses pass by. All the houses seemed to be perfect suburban homes with pristine yards and painted doors. Of course that wasn’t where Bro and I were headed, some time later the houses shifted from typical family homes into run down apartment buildings covered in graffiti and surrounded by garbage.  
Bro turned into the parking lot and turned the ignition off. He casted a single glance towards me. He never needed to communicate with words, his threatening eyes always got the job done. With a deep sigh I stepped out of the car and retrieved a stack of boxes. Of course with my luck the elevator was out of order, so I started the long journey up the stairs to the top floor. Several trips later I was sat against a stack of boxes panting while sweat dripped down my forehead. My limbs felt as if they were made of jelly. I knew this move wouldn’t change the relationship between bro and I, yet I somehow let myself hope it would.  


We wouldn’t have had to move if the school hadn’t gotten involved. They noticed the bruises, I was too careless. When bro received the phone call he was enraged. That night he had beat me harder than he ever had. I was covered in bruises, and I’m sure I may have even broken a rib. The school didn’t help, it only stressed our relationship even more. He had woke me before midnight to pack my things. I didn’t have the time to bring everything. I packed my collection of preserved skeletons, my turntables, and some of my clothes. Everything else had remained in place, where it would stay and collect dust for months I’m sure. I had stared back at my room, I wouldn’t miss the place. It had been filled with painful memories and the stains of my blood left behind. We had loaded up the van and began our journey across the country, not telling anyone we were leaving. Social services wouldn’t be able to find us, but sometimes I wish they would, anything had to be better than the life I’m suffering through now.  


My new room was small, only a single window and stained carpeting. I couldn’t even see through the window, it was tinted yellow with filth, propped open with a stick allowing damp air to waft into the room. The walls were chipped with holes scattered about randomly. Perhaps I could try and find some paint and cover the areas where the drywall was completely exposed. It’s not as if this room is any worse than my old one, but it was foreign and I’ve never been a fan of change.  
I considered pestering Rose but decided against it, I wasn’t really interested in being psychoanalyzed right now. I knew it’d be easy for her to see through my irony and into my mind. I’ve spent years trying to hide the quality of life I live, but right now in my weakened state I knew it wouldn’t be hard to pick up on it. Sleeping seemed much more desirable, so I flopped onto the mattress face first without even bothering to remove my shoes.  


* * *

I awoke in a state of confusion with my glasses digging uncomfortably into my skin. Pulling my phone from my pocket, the time read 2:23. I groaned, shoving my glasses onto my head.The light assaulted my bare eyes when I unlocked my phone. I dragged my hand down my face before opening pesterchum to finally pester Rose.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: sup rose  
TG: whats new in the world of tentacle porn and wizards  
TT: I’ll have you know that I’m not interested in tentacle porn, Cuthulu does not revolve around tentacle porn although I’m sure you wouldn’t be very informed on the subject.  
TT: Funny that you immediately mention porn before I can even get a word in.  
TT: Am correct so assume finally reached your destination?  
TG: hells yeah strode into town and everyone kneeled down to greet their newest leader theyre all like oh man strider please bless us with your dank raps and beautiful ass  
TG: they begged for me to save them from the hell that is smuppets with their bulbous rumps  
TG: i cant get my full strider vibe on though with all this damn cold  
TG: colder than santas balls up in here its like the northpole and the southpole got together and gave birth to the coldest damn baby to ever exist  
TT: Ah yes, the baby surely will launch the world back into a permanent Ice-age.  
TT: Are you prepared for school to begin on monday?  
TG: shit man dont even have any school supplies yet  
TG: doesnt matter much though im gonna blow all those teachers away with my brains rose theyre all gonna be getting on their knees showering me with praise for my amazing work  
TG: dont even get me started on the other students man theyre gonna see me and automatically fall in love  
TG: its nearly impossible not to with this face  
TT: Your confidence is overwhelming.  
TG: im just stating the facts here rose theyre gonna see me and automatically name me king of the school everyones gonna be dying to get a piece of this ass  
TG: be fighting over it like theres an ass famine beating eachother down trying to get close enough for just a single piece of this strider ass  
TT: Ah yes the scarcity of your ass will cause quite the commotion.  
TT: Are you sure you’re really ready, starting a new school mid-year would be quite overwhelming.  
TG: nah rose im as cool as a cucumber from the north pole  
TG: anxiety aint in the strider genes  
TT: If you insist that your genes prevent you from feeling a human emotion I suppose I’ll have to trust you.  
TT: As much as I enjoy our little chats I’m afraid I must be off. Goodnight, Dave.

tentacleTherapist [TT]ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

I sat on the side of my bed, knowing I needed to ask bro for money. He wouldn’t just give me the money of course, he believes I need to earn the things I want from him. Every school field trip I attended with bruises littered across my skin. I rolled my shoulders and cracked my neck before pulling on an old ratty T-shirt. I took in a deep breath, mentally preparing myself. You’d think after this many years I’d be desensitized, yet here I am with anxiety pulsing through my body. I slipped out of my doorway making my way to the living room.  


There were still boxes stack precariously around the room, but the TV and gaming systems seemed to be the first things to be unpacked. Of course he’d only unpack the things needed to entertain himself. I stood behind him watching, waiting to see if he would acknowledge my presence. He sat spread out on the couch ignoring me, but I knew he was aware of my presence so I spoke up with my typical apathetic tone.  


“I need money for school supplies,” He didn’t respond, waiting until I felt uneasy before he nodded and began to walk towards the roof.  


I grabbed my katana on my way towards the stairs, trying to steady my shaking hands. When I stepped onto the roof I was assaulted by cold air, it left goosebumps behind on my skin. I tightened my grip on the hilt as my hands began to sweat despite the cold. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, I knew he was standing behind me. I waited for him to move before quickly turning and clashing my sword against his. I held back a flinch as the metal collided. I jumped back knowing I wouldn’t be able to hold against him for much longer. He was nearly all muscle, he knew I’d never have a chance against him. My muscles seemed non existent. I was all skin and bone, probably due to his refusal to provide any sort of food for me. I’m not even sure where he finds his food, he has the fridge filled to the brim with broken and jagged swords.  
I tried to attack, but he dodged impossibly fast and I felt his sword rip its way through the flesh on my upper arm. Searing pain moved its way throughout my arm while blood gushed its way down my arm leaving behind sticky trails. A wave of panic surged through my veins. A foot hit my back forcing me towards the ground, I stopped myself with my hands and hissed at the gravel getting embedded into my hands. Bro kicked me on the side of my ribs pushing me over onto my back, pain exploded from my side and I let out a gasp, the air knocked out of my lungs. I tried to roll away but a foot on my wrist stopped me. The blood in my mouth left behind a horrible copper taste after I choked it down. His katana was pressed against my throat, he retracted it while dropping a five dollar bill onto my chest, leaving me on my back with blood smeared across my skin.  


* * *

I’m not sure how much time had passed when I finally rolled onto my front to push myself to my feet. Blood was crusted uncomfortably across my body, it pulled at my skin as I moved my limbs. I made my way to the bathroom, assuming bro had left the apartment after the strife. Turning the shower to its hottest setting I stepped under the spray and watched my blood circle down the drain. I stood in front of the mirror to assess the damage. Bruises were beginning to bloom across my skin, and the cut on my arm looked like it’d need stitches. I pulled out the first aid kit before pouring alcohol over the wound. I flinched at the burning sensation but continued to pour regardless. Opening the kit I looked down at the needle and thread preparing myself. I clenched my teeth at the feeling of the needle piercing my skin. It took seven stitches, more than what my wounds usually required. When I was finished I pulled a hoodie on and grabbed my phone before leaving the apartment.  


I made my way towards the downtown area. Eventually the graffiti and garbage grew scarce and more people appeared walking together in groups down the sidewalks. I meandered aimlessly not quite sure where I was headed. When I reached a Walmart I felt the five dollars in my pocket before walking into the store. A gust of warm air hit me as I walked through the sliding doors. I made my way slowly through each aisle, wanting to extend this shopping trip out as long as I could. The back to school signs were needlessly colorful and there were far too many exclamation points for my current mood. I walked to the back where they kept the low quality school supplies that costed no more than fifty cents. Choosing only one journal and a pack of pencils I made my way back to the checkout aisles. Of course I’d get stuck behind the family with a cart filled to the brim with foods and toys. I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to be part of a family like that. A fridge always filled with foods, and caring parents who supplied their kids with clothing and emotional support. I shook the thought out of my head quickly, it’s pointless to dream of a home like that when I knew I’d never truly experience it.  


It took ten minutes but the family finally took their bags and made their way towards the exit. I quickly checked out, not bothering to speak to the cashier. I left the store in no rush, I wasn’t particularly excited to head back to our new apartment yet. I never really know what to predict when it came to bro, especially after the situation in Houston. I’m hoping he’d stumble home sometime in the middle of the night, too drunk to make it to his room. Maybe then I’d be spared of the ruthless beatings he gives when the alcohol accentuates his hatred for me.  


* * *

Stepping into the apartment sent a feeling of dread up my spine. The silence was always worse than bros voice alone. I made my way slowly towards my door, keeping my feet light to avoid the creaking floorboards. I threw my bag down onto the floor before rifling through boxes to begin unpacking. I figured I was safe considering that I hadn’t been attacked yet, but I can never truly let my guard down, he was always watching.  


Speaking of watching, I glanced towards the corner of my room and saw the small camera, a red light on as it recorded my every movement to be streamed to bros website. I could never understand who would pay to spend their time watching bro and I laze around the apartment. Though, if I had to guess, it’d be some online perverts hoping to get their eyes on any teenage boy they could.  


I threw a shirt over the camera propped in the corner and decided against unpacking. Instead I pulled my clothes off and set my shades on the floor next to my bed before shoving my face into the pillow trying to will myself to sleep.


	2. In which the author makes shit up as they go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this at like midnight last night.,,,,why dont i ever write at a decent time..,,,

A wave of pain woke me, my entire body was aching as if I was just one giant bruise. I clenched my muscles before I rolled off my bed hissing at the pain in my hands against the rough carpet. The day after a strife was always worse. I ran a hand through my hair. Of course today would be the first day of school, and of course it would start the day after a rough strife. I’m holding onto the hope that I won’t have gym this semester.  


I rose to my feet heading towards the bathroom. In the fluorescent lights I could see each bruise and cut had gotten worse since yesterday. I was swollen nearly all over, and the skin on my hands were shredded and irritated. I tried dabbing disinfectant on the worst areas but gave up not long after. Looking in the mirror I saw that I looked exhausted, with dark circles around my eyes and scrapes across my cheek. I brushed my teeth trying to ignore my own pitiful reflection. .  
Just as I went to spit I heard bro slam on the door, demanding I get out. It hadn’t even been five minutes, but I slipped out past him anyway. Always following his orders was best. Though I was always walking on eggshells. He seemed to be a new person every day, making it hard for me to gauge how he’ll react to anything. At least I have school now, so I’ll be able to keep out of his way for most of the day if I play my cards right.  


It didn’t take long before I was heading out the door. I slowly made my way to the nearest stop, but stopped short of the area when I saw a group of students. I stayed quiet hoping they wouldn’t notice me standing awkwardly behind them. Of course I’ve never been lucky. A girl turned before bursting into a smile and waving me over. I tried to ignore her, but it only made her persist more. She started to make her way towards me and stopped directly in front of me.  


“Hey, I’m Terezi. Are you the new kid? We never get new students around here, everyone’s talking about you.”I cringed as she let out a loud cackle,  


“Uh yeah, Dave.” I gave a small nod as I introduced myself.  


“What’s with the shades, kid, it’s never sunny around here.” She got close to my face flicking my glasses with her painted fingers.  


I clenched my jaw, clearly she didn’t have a sense of personal space. “Always gotta have ‘em, a cool kid’s never caught without ‘em”  


I tried to keep my answers short in hopes that she’d grow bored and return to her friends. That hope died rather quickly though when her friends began to make their way towards us. I was immediately bombarded with introductions, they were hard to make out with everyone talking over each other.  
I could feel myself beginning to sweat with anxiety, thankfully the bus arrived, cutting off their endless rambling. I flash stepped past them, jogging onto the bus before heading to the back and violently jamming in my earbuds. I calmed my breathing, trying to will my hands to stop shaking. I’m already beginning to break at the seams and it hasn’t even been an hour. Bro would be disappointed in me, he’s always taught me to repress my emotions, to remain apathetic at all times. He reminded me of that rule every time an emotion slipped through. Kicking and punching until I could take a hit without flinching. by the end my body was always numb, broken, and bleeding.  


I was pulled out of my own head when the students around me began to make their way off the bus. I hung behind until there was a decent gap between the other students and I before making my way off as well.The school was overwhelming, students falling into groups and pushing around each other trying to traverse the tight halls. I shoved my way through elbows and backpacks, each hit sending another wave of pain through me. My stitches pulled with each movement I made, making me wince, as if the elbows jamming into my sides wasn’t enough.  


When I stepped into the office the secretary turned towards me before immediately pulling out a packet of papers and shoving them into my hands. She gave me a map, and quickly explained the layout of the building with a smile. Not soon after she ushered me out the door, leaving me in practically empty halls with no idea where to start looking for my first class. I set off in a random direction hoping I’d happen to stumble upon it. I walked casually, trying to push any anxieties to the back of my mind.  


Eventually I did discover the room I was looking for. By now classes had already begun, forcing me to stroll in while the teacher droned on. All the students turned towards me, following my every move with their eyes. The teacher turned, probably ready to begin yelling, before a look of surprise flashed across her face. She smiled and motioned for me to come closer. I shoved my hands deeper in my pockets before walking towards her side. She plastered a fake smile on her face, turning towards her students.  


“This, class, is the new student David Strider! Would you like to tell us a fact about yourself David?” She said while turning towards me.  


“I’m from Texas and I’m pretty into music, I guess, and I go by Dave.”  


“Well, It’s lovely to meet you Dave! Oh, unfortunately sunglasses are against our school dress code, so if you could remove them that’d be great.” She said with an underlying sternness.  


“The principle should have told you that I need them for health reasons.” I spoke to her quietly, trying to stay discreet. Though, it was difficult while standing before an entire class.  


“Ah, I’ll give the office a call then, I suppose.” She said while gesturing to my seat in the back of the room.  


She continued her lesson not soon after, I didn’t bother paying attention, already deeming it worthless information. Instead I rested my head on my arms, watching the other students. Most of them seemed ordinary except for the occasional odd ones. One of which happened to be staring directly at me. I quickly averted my eyes to the window beside my desk. She was the same student from this morning, she still wore her glasses in class which seemed odd,  
although I wasn’t one to speak, considering I also wore mine. I tried to avoid thinking about her while staring out the window for the rest of the period. 

* * *

Every class passed uneventfully, most of them lulling me into a light sleep before the bell jolted me awake. Any class would be better than this moment though. No matter how boring or slow it was, I’d much rather prefer to be in class right now.  
I had been sitting alone with my headphones in, listening to music and trying to be as off putting as I could. That way, nobody would approach me. Although, Terezi, apparently doesn’t mind. She plopped down across from me, that infuriating grin plastered on her face. I pulled an earbud out waiting for her to speak.  


“Hey coolkid, you’re gonna come sit with me and my friends c’mon!” She said with far too much enthusiasm.  


“Nah, I think I’ll pass, I’m all good here,” I flinched when she reach out grabbing my wrist. The same wrist which bro had happened to step on the night before.  


“Wasn’t a choice, you look like a loser all by yourself, and you already dubbed yourself coolkid!” She laughed loudly, the same ear shattering one as this morning.  


When her table came into sight it was filled to the brim. Each student was pressed together to trying to make room for the ridiculously large friend group. They scooted even closer to each other when they saw Terezi and I approaching. She stopped abruptly before making a grand gesture towards me.  


“This is Dave Strider, self proclaimed cool kid, and new talk of the school,” She yelled, trying to be heard over the rest of the cafeteria.  


I gave a slight nod in the general direction of the table. Terezi shoved me into a seat before people began introducing themselves, thankfully they spoke slower than they had this morning. The table had about five other kids, not counting Terezi and I. They introduced themselves one by one starting with a kid named Sollux, apparently he was head of the computer club, but it was hard for me to make out past his heavy lisp. Next to him sat Aradia, she was pale with impossibly thick hair that looked as if it weighed at least ten pounds. She didn’t mention any clubs or much about herself at all really, but I didn’t particularly care either way. Nepeta jumped in to introduce herself quickly, she claimed that she was president of the the RP club, which wasn’t hard to believe considering her hat with cat ears perched on top. She rambled on before opening the floor to the boy next to her, a kid named Tavros. He was sat in a wheelchair fiddling nervously with his fingers before mumbling a few words about himself. It was clear he didn’t want to talk much, so the group moved onto the last kid in the circle. He didn’t bother looking up while he spoke his name.  


“Karkat.” He spoke it with a rough voice. It almost sounded as if he gargled gravel every morning.  


“Come on Karcat! At least try to be a little nicer to the new kid!” Nepeta said leaning her chin onto her palms.  


Karkat whipped his head towards her with a scowl before slowly turning to face me. He glared at me before shoving more food into his mouth with so much anger I’m sure it must’ve hurt his teeth. Nepeta sighed before going on to talk with the rest of the table. I remained silent, watching karkat eat his food with a constant frown on his face.  


He had tan skin, the complete opposite of my nearly white skin, with light freckles dusted across his nose. His skin was clear, almost perfectly so. The only interruption being the deep purple bags that rested beneath his eyes. Clearly he didn’t get much sleep. Above the circles his eyes were trained downward, they were a deep brown with flecks of hazel sprinkled throughout them. His hair was even darker than his eyes were, nearly black. It was as thick as Aradias, possibly even thicker. I briefly wondered if it was as rough as it looked. He must’ve felt me staring because he locked eye contact with me. Well, as much eye contact you can make with someone wearing shades.  


“What kind of asshole wears shades indoors, they make you look like a major douche.” He spoke with a growl.  


I threw a smirk his way. “Sorry man, gotta keep up appearances.” His face turned red as he heaved out a long sigh.  


“Terezi for fucks sake, what awful reason could you have for bringing this shit stain to our table, thus poisoning any happiness I could possibly have at lunch” Karkat turned his head towards Terezi with a pleading look. She only responded with a cackle. He threw his arms up in defeat before resting his head on the table.  


“Why’d you even move to this crappy town?” Sollux asked, he seemed genuinely interested.  


“No reason really,” I shrugged a single shoulder trying not to give away any real information about myself.  


“We don’t really get a lot of new kids around here. It’s a bit strange seeing a new person come into our school!” Aradia explained.

This town seemed to be a typical small town. Where everyone knows everyone else and the kids here all grow up together, none moving in or out. Most people won’t get the opportunity to leave, they’ll go to the community college with big dreams before settling down with a job back in the town they began in. It’s tragic and I could only hope I don’t get pulled into the same cycle.  


I could see Karkat sneak a glance towards me, but he quickly turned his head away again. Conversation continued to flow easily. I joined in occasionally but mostly kept to myself. Occasionally I’d find myself staring at Karkat, I don’t know what it was about him that caught my interest. Perhaps it was his clear disinterest in befriending me, but I tried to shake the thoughts of him from my mind. I wouldn’t be returning to this table. Friends only hold me back in my situation, they make me weak, and always led to social services eventually getting involved.  


I stopped the thoughts before I was pulled too far in. Instead I opted to check my schedule to see my final class, though it didn’t do much to calm my nerves. The paper read Physical Education, I groaned internally, or at least I thought I had until everyone's heads turned towards me.  


“What’s the meow-ter Dave?” Nepeta asked with a pout.  


“Nah, nothing really, but I have gym next and I was really hoping I wouldn’t get it this semester.” I leaned back farther in my chair, annoyed that I’ll have to deal with gym every day. Although I didn’t seem nearly as annoyed as Karkat, who loudly huffed while banging his head against the table. Sollux let out a loud laugh.  


“Holy shit Dave, you have gym with KK. You have the worst teacher in the school good luck trying to survive” He continued to laugh, Karkat sent a glare his way which only seemed to make him laugh harder.  


“Guess I’ll see you there Kitkat,” I said as I stood up to make my way to the cafeteria's doors.  


* * *

I made my way to the locker rooms before the next period bell even rang. I pulled my clothes off quickly, trying to avoid looking at my bruises. The stitches were just barely covered by the sleeves of the uniform. I groaned, pulling my hoodie over the uncomfortable clothes. It’ll make me sweat buckets, but at least I’m being more careful than last time. I finished pulling my head through my hoodie just as students began pouring into the room. I slid my shades back on and took a seat on the benches, waiting for the teacher to come to class.  


A familiar mop of black hair came into view. He marched towards his locker before slamming it open and pulling his clothes off. I got a flash of soft dark skin with just a hint of a happy trail before I quickly averted my gaze. I could feel heat pooling in my cheeks. I don’t even know him and I’m already being weird. I stood up, about to leave the room before the gym teacher appeared in front of me.  


He looked down at me, impressive considering my tall stature. He looked from my shades to my hoodie then back to my eyes.  


“Can’t wear those in my gym class young man” His voice was gruff, a little intimidating if I’m being honest.  


“I have a medical note in my file for the glasses, sir” He looked through his clipboard, noticeably irritated before he sighed in defeat.  


“Alright, but unless you have a pass for that hoodie put it in your locker.”  


I headed back to my locker shoving my hoodie into the small space before slamming the door shut. Karkat glanced at me, though when I turned my head to meet his eyes he quickly schooled his expression into one of anger before marching into the gym. I let out a small chuckle to myself as I made my way to the gym. He may be an asshole, but he may be the least annoying kid in the group. It’s a shame I can’t be friends with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll get angsty just u wait till next chapter ,,...,, i also dunno how i feel abt this chapter but its all swell


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whoops just another chapter whats up dawg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listne,,,, I dont have a beta n 10/10 im writing at midnight and havent slept in 48 hours so if its bad just keep that in mind ok cool

I leaned against the brick exterior of the school, my entire body was sore and my feet ached like hell. Sollux wasn’t kidding when he said that gym was terrible. I pushed off the wall and cracked my neck before slinging my bag over my shoulder. I decided against the bus on the way home, hoping to avoid the chaos that came along with it. Instead I chose a direction and began walking.  


I found myself walking through small neighborhoods with clean cut lawns and nearly identical houses. Occasionally a kid would be playing in the yard, or a jogger would pass by, but other than that I seemed to be completely alone. It was almost surreal how everything seemed to be standing still. No matter how much I walked it was as if I was walking in place, all the same houses and mailboxes and lawns surrounding me. I continued on in a dream like state for who knows how long until I came to the end of the neighborhood where I was met with a wooden fence blocking the end of the street from a thickly wooded forest.  


I placed my hands on the wooden fence and felt the rough woods dig into my already torn up palms. I ran them across the wood feeling splinters scrape against the injuries. I inhaled as I threw a leg over the fence and hoisted myself over. My converse sunk slightly into the mud when I stuck the landing.  
I could feel the occasional droplet of water land on my skin as I pushed farther into the forest. The smell of wet cool dirt filled my lungs. It was fresh and I could feel it throughout my veins. I pushed my sunglasses onto my head and took in a deep breathe. I continued inwards running my hands over the rough bark and grabbing at the occasional vines. The moisture clinging to my skin gave me a sense of cleanliness, I felt leaves brush against my skin leaving behind faint tingles.The farther into the forest I ventured the more free I felt.  


Back in Houston all I ever had was the dust that kicked up from the ground and the constant sounds of the city. Texas was all dry heat and sunburns, but here there was damp wind and soft mud. I was taking in all the feelings of the forest, just walking blindly deeper and deeper. I stopped when I came to a stream. It was lighter than the rest of the forest, with the muted sun filtering through the clearing in the trees. Small flowers sprouted from the ground and stones were scattered around the stream unevenly.  


I found myself laying back onto a larger one. I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the water trickling downwards. I finally let myself think. I let every event from the past few days hit me. For days I’ve been nothing but terrified. I can never let myself be terrified, but I have been. Moving across the country was overwhelming. Every time we passed a border I felt as if I lost a small portion of myself. We slept in danky motel rooms, never costing more than fifteen dollars a night. They were always dusty, with at least one portion of the carpet moldy or rotted away. The beds were small and stained in every single one. It was the only constant in my life at the time. The motel rooms each night. A similar musty room, a similar molded carpet, and a similar stained bed.  


Now that we’ve arrived there is no constant. Bro always changes. One day he could beat me senseless, the next he could wake me up with breakfast. On the days that started with breakfast I knew it could never last long. I could only try to guess what he wanted to hear and wanted me to do, but I could never be sure. There was always something I did that set him off. Sometimes I wonder what happened to change him so drastically. He used to really love me, then one day he came home, and everything was different. He’s pushed so much of himself onto me it’s terrifying to think one day I may become him.  


I clung to the mud beside the stone, curling my fingers into ground. Sucking in a shaky breath I slowly opened my eyes. I refused to blink in fear that even a single tear would fall. Instead I pulled my hands from the earth and rose to my feet. I wiped the mud from my hands before grabbing my backpack and making my way back through the forest. On the way in I felt as though I was gaining freedom, but on the way out the feeling faded fast. I knew I had to head back to the apartment now.

* * *

I could practically smell the booze the second I opened the door. The smell always sent a familiar feeling of dread through me. Bro was sat on the sagging couch clutching a nearly empty bottle of whiskey in a death grip. I pushed the door behind me closed as gently as I could hoping to avoid bothering him.  


“You’re home awfully late, little man.” His words were steady, he never was one to slur when he was drunk.  


“Yeah I made a few stops before I got home.” I replied while making my way towards my bedroom.  


He let me go for now, which I was grateful for, but I still remained alert. I let my bag slip from my shoulder onto the floor. It let out a heavy thud as it hit the ground, I can only assume the weight came from the ridiculous amounts of homework they assign at this school. Ignoring the obvious responsibility I reclined on my bed and pulled my phone out.  


My thumb hovered over the pesterchum for a moment before I let out a huff and threw the phone down onto the comforter. Rose and I had been close at one point, but it’s gotten so strange between us. Though I’m sure I’m mostly to blame for it. Her constant need to one up everyone around her is so tiring, along with the high horse she rides around on. Besides, if she really did miss me wouldn’t she be messaging me? I exhaled as I rolled onto my side away from my phone. I shut my eyes, trying to force myself to go to sleep despite the sun barely setting yet.  


The idea of sleep was quickly interrupted by a bang on my door. I groaned in annoyance while getting to my feet. I whipped my door open only to be met by a paper stuck to the rotted wood with a piece of chewed gum. The paper was a small piece of a receipt, crumpled and stained with god knows what. In writing that resembled chicken scratch I could just make out the word ‘roof’. My forehead fell to the door where I rested it for a moment in preparation. I pulled my sweatshirt off and grabbed my sword. I never really could get a break when it came to bro.

* * *

On the roof I leaned casually against the door. Bro wasn’t here just yet but I was positive he was watching. I wanted to try and seem as casual as possible in hopes he’d be less rough if he thought I wasn’t scared. Of course I was scared though, what teenager wouldn’t be scared of their six foot five brother waiting to come at them with a sword. I could feel my stitches pulsing with how high my blood pressure was right now. I tried to will my anxiety away but it didn’t seem to be helping much.  


With a quick flex of my fingers I pushed off the door and made my way to the center of the roof. My sword was perched on my shoulder and I had my other hand casually stuck into my jean pocket. I could feel the vibrating of my nerves in the tips of my fingers. He was close and I knew it. A gust of air hit my back, I whipped around sword in hand ready to deflect any attack. Instead of coming face to face with another sword I felt a blade hit my side.  


I held in a hiss of pain and spun on my heels where I met bros next attack with my own blade. The clash sent vibrations up my arms and into my body. He was slower than usual, no doubt thanks to the whiskey, but he was still far better than I was. I pushed his sword away from mine and swung into his side. I nearly clipped him but he was quick to flashstep away. A foot swiped my legs causing me to fall. A brief moment of panic overwhelmed me but I fell into a roll and was immediately back on my feet.  


Our swords continued to swing at each other, only the occasional hits getting in. At least until his sword bashed into my hand, I pulled back in surprise as my katana clattered to the other side of the roof. He swung manically after that hitting me over and over. Twice in the leg once in the arm and another in the stomach. From there he was only continuing to be cruel. He shoved me back, forcing me to slide across the gravel of the roof. I could feel each individual rock slicing into my back. The blood was already soaking into my shirt weighing it down. A strangled gasp was ripped from my throat as I could feel dirt getting pushed deeper into the cuts on my back. I rolled onto my knees and pushed myself up. Ignoring the pain ripping through my body I stood in defense, trying to convince myself that I was ready for whatever attack was to come next.  


I scanned my eyes across the scene trying to dictate a next move. Blood was splattered against the roof. I wasn’t sure the extent of my injuries, adrenaline was pulsing through my veins working as a natural pain reliever. I let myself feel a sense of pride at the small cut bro had on his side, it wasn’t often that I got a hit in, and on the rare occasion that I did I let myself revel in the fact that maybe his supposed training was worth it. To bros right was my sword. It was close to the door. If I could get to my sword I may have an actual chance at preventing any further injuries.  


I’ve tried just letting bro beat me until he was satisfied, but it only enraged him more. He wanted me to fight, he wanted me to kick and scream until I wasn’t able to anymore. It was like he got some sort of sick kick out of it.  


I cracked my neck before quickly launching myself across the roof, past bro towards the door where my sword lie. Bro was quick to stop me. I tried to flashstep out of his way, but I was never fast enough. He grabbed me by the middle and pulled me back towards him. He held my back flush against his front and I shivered in disgust at the scent of booze that wafted off of him. His breath reeked when he spoke to me.  


“What the fuck do you think you’re doing kid.” He growled into my ear.  


I didn’t answer, not quite sure what answer he was looking for. Maybe he wasn’t even looking for an answer, maybe he just wanted someone to be angry at. This seemed to be the case when he pulled me up by the neck and pinned me to the door. He ripped my glasses from my face forcing me to look at him with no barrier. I felt shame claw its way up my throat at the feeling of my red eyes being exposed. Without the sunglasses I could see how wrecked he really looked. His skin was pale and shone with a layer of sweat. His entire face seemed to be flushed with rage, though his expression gave no hint of anger, only apathy.  


He looked directly at me before beginning to speak slowly. “What,” he started with a low whisper, but grew louder as he emphasized each word by slamming my head against the door behind me. “Do,” another slam. His hand holding me by the neck tightened as his hands began to sweat. “You,” my head hit the metal door again, I could hear a faint ringing sound off in the distance now. “Think,” his hand kept tightening, I was less worried about my head now and more worried about the lack of oxygen reaching my lungs. “You’re,” black spots were beginning to dance across my vision, his voice which had started in a shaky whisper was now nearly a full blown scream. “DOING,” with this last word he slammed my head back as hard as he could. The air was knocked out of me as my entire body hit the steel door. His scream was so loud I was sure the entire city could hear, his breath was rancid and spit was flying from his mouth and slipping down my face.  


He seemed to have gotten his message across, because he opened his fist letting my drop to the ground. I landed in the gravel gasping for breath and holding onto my throat. Each gulp of air I breathed in burned like acid going down. I was so focused on breathing I could barely feel as he kicked me from his path and made his way back into the apartment. When the door slammed behind him I let myself go. Tears slipped from my eyes down my cheeks and I curled myself into a ball. I pushed my hands into my hair and grabbed onto it for dear life. yanking at my hair with each choked sob that made its way past my lips. If bro saw me like this he’d be disgusted, yet somehow I let myself keep sobbing.

* * *

Eventually my eyes dried out and I was left just rocking in place. Snot was dripping down my chin and my cheeks were burning with how much I had been rubbing at them. I’m not sure what I looked like but I knew it couldn't have been good.  


The sun had long since set and I was left sitting in the dark with only the distant city lights illuminating the roof. Ignoring my obvious need to tend to my strife induced injuries I settled back on the uncomfortable ground and found myself staring at the sky. There were stars scattered about in the darkness. They were much more prominent here than they were back in texas. In Houston they were only a faint dusting of light, but here they were as if someone had strung fairy lights in the sky. I tried to find beauty in them, I really did, but all I could feel was the aching of my body and the rocks digging into my already bloodied back.  


Defeated, I rose to my feet, and with a shaky step started my way back into the apartment. I strode past the bathroom, choosing to ignore the lingering pain all over my body, and stumbled directly into my room. A grunt escaped me as I fell face first onto my bed. I could already feel my blood smearing onto the blankets, but I ignored everything happening around me in favor of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops sorry if that was a mess man I write n then do not read stuff over bc i am a mess n i have depression


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its nearly midnight so i guess heres a chapter

I rubbed at my eyes while I stared down at my bed. Sleeping without showering off the blood was definitely not the wisest choice I’ve ever made. Blood was crusted along the blankets and pillow. With a huff I yanked my sheets off and threw them in a bundle to the corner of my room. Just another chore to do today.  
The signs of a headache were already forming and I haven’t even been awake for more than five minutes today. I pinched the bridge of my nose and made my way to the bathroom. Bro seemed to be gone today. His turntables weren’t in their usual resting place, and there wasn’t the usual scent of alcohol dancing around the apartment. I shoved my way into the bathroom and was quick to throw a towel over the damned camera perched in the corner. It was impossible to have any ounce of privacy here, even when bro was gone.  


I stood in front of the mirror and examined my face first. There were deep bags under my eyes along with scabbed over scrapes across my forehead and cheeks. There was a bruise beginning to form on the side of my jaw, I gently prodded at it with my fingers, but pulled back at the sting of pain. With a huff of annoyance I moved onto the rest of my body. My shirt was dried to my back with blood, and I had to clench my jaw as I pulled it over my head. I could feel it ripping from each gash that had been made by the rocks ripping into my back on the roof. When I finally got it off I threw it to the floor, knowing it probably wouldn’t have much use anymore.  


My stomach lurched at the sight of my torso. This has been going on for years but I’ll never get used to the hideous state of my body after each strife. My chest was littered with scratches, and new purple bruises were beginning to bloom over older faded yellow ones. My stomach and sides looked like a bad water color painting. Purples and blues mixed together with pale yellows and greens. On my left side a gash was red and crusted. I knew it needed stitches but part of me was past the point of caring. I pinched the sides of it together to see what it’d look like closed. Pain shot up my side at the action, so I released the skin and decided against stitching it together. I turned to get a look at my back and almost regretted the choice entirely. The skin was ripped apart with a stray piece of gravel stuck in the occasional cut. Scattered around the wounds were scratches and sores. 

I gently poked at one of the sores and winced at the raw burning skin.  
I stripped off the rest of my clothes and stepped into the shower. Pain erupted from all over my body the second the spray of water hit me. I doubled over, which only served to make the pain worse as the water shot directly onto my back. I stumbled out of the shower gasping at the agony the water caused me. Watered down blood was dripping down my skin, and my hair was damp, but it still had remnants of dirt and blood matted into it. I clenched all the muscles in my body and bounced on my feet lightly before stepping into the spray of water once again. A pained scream nearly left my mouth, but I bit down on my tongue and reluctantly washed my body.

* * *

I pulled the apartment door shut behind me and made my way towards the stairwell. I still had an hour before school, but I knew I couldn't show up in the state I was in now. I had the remainder of the five dollars from my last shopping trip stuck into my left pocket, and I was headed to the local CVS before school. The bruise on my jaw had only managed to darken in color and swell larger since before my shower. Showing up to school with my face in the shape it was in now was like asking for teachers to send me to the school counselor. Instead, I decided I needed to go buy makeup. I had never been one for trying to cover bruises, I usually resorted to making excuses or avoiding going out until they had faded, but I suppose a new town meant a new me.  


It was a dreary day again, with the sun only shining through when the clouds shifted enough for it to be seen. There was the unfamiliar dampness to the air that had been there everyday I’ve been here so far, that was only accentuated by the ever present wind. I pulled my hoodie tighter around my body and flinched at the rough fabric over my various cuts and scratches. The pain in my side and back had managed to lessen to a dull ache, but still flared whenever I moved too harshly.  
Making my way to the store was a tedious journey, with trying to keep my body from falling apart, but still trying to get there and still have time to make it to school. I had long since passed my bus stop and would have to walk the rest of the way to school from here, but it was worth it to go out of my way to avoid having to explain the mess that is my face right now.  


There was a quiet bell above the door as I stepped into the shop, I wandered my way down the aisles trying to kill time, but I must have seemed suspicious taking into the account the glare I was receiving from the cashier stood at the register. Shoving my hands farther into my pockets I made my way towards the makeup aisle. I didn’t know anything about makeup and that became even more clear as I was met with the seemingly endless array of different tubes and palettes. I scratched the back of my neck before roaming towards a display of skin colored tubes. It took nearly ten minutes of reading each label before deciding I needed to find concealer. I looked at each shade, already knowing they would all be too dark for me. My skin was practically translucent, whatever makeup I chose was sure to clash with my pale complexion. With a sigh of defeat I snatched the lightest one and shuffled my way towards the counter.  


My entire face was on fire as the man checked out the single stick of concealer while giving me an odd look. With a mumbled thank you I handed over the money and dashed towards the bathroom. The bathroom was small, but thankfully it was at least moderately cleaner than most public restrooms. I pulled my shades from the face and set them gently on the sink. Once again I was met with my own pitiful reflection. I pulled out the concealer and began to cake it onto the bruise. The purple faded quickly being replaced by a pale white color. Even still the color didn’t quite match to my own tone, but I was hoping it wouldn’t be obvious to a random passerby. I continued to pile concealer onto the various scrapes along my face and was almost amazed with how somewhat normal I looked when I was finished. Placing my shades back onto the bridge of my nose only completed the look of a perfectly mentally stable kid not going through any shit at home. I let a small smile grace my lips before slipping the concealer into my bag and leaving the bathroom.

* * *

My eyes darted around the room while anxiety flooded my chest. I was nearly halfway through the school day, but I felt as if everyone could see right past the makeup to the bruises and scratches littered underneath. I tapped my foot anxiously counting the seconds pass by in my head waiting for the period to end. I could see the occasional person glance back at me, each look sent another wave of panic through my body. My leg began shaking faster until a piece of paper hit the back of my neck.  


My body went rigid until another piece of paper hit me. I turned around to pick the scraps up and caught a glimpse of the culprit. Ah, the angry kid. His face was contorted in its usual scowl, and his eyes were locked directly on me. I gave him a slight nod before retrieving the papers and unfolding them on my desk. One read ‘CUT THAT FUCKING SHAKING OUT I CANT FOCUS WHILE YOURE OVER THERE VIBRATING LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT’. The kid even yelled while he wrote, seems typical for him. He was clearly still agitated, I could feel the anger radiating off of him from here. I slipped open the second note, ‘IM TRYING TO PAY ATTENTION WHICH YOU SHOULD TRY SOMETIME BTW ‘. I leaned against the back of my seat which I realized was a huge mistake as I felt a stab of pain from each cut on my back. I shot forward away from the burning in my back with a sense of panic. Blood rose to my cheeks when I realized Karkat was still watching me, I whipped my head around to see if he saw any of my weird behaviour and he was sat staring at my wide eyed. When he saw me looking back at him his face turned to one of anger and he flipped me off before shoving his face into his arms. Confused by what just happened I turned back towards the front of the room and continued my wait for the seemingly infinite period to end.

* * *

Those rare interactions were the extent of communication between us. It’s been a month since I’ve started attending this school and I’ve still stuck to my plan of remaining friendless. I never returned to their lunch table, and I never tried to find anyone else to sit with. It wasn’t like I was some sort of loser or outcast, I just didn’t commit to anyone as a friend. I could talk to someone in class or sit by someone at lunch, I just prefered not to. I spent lunches wandering the halls listening to music, and classes I spent doodling in notebooks or drifting in and out of daydreams.  


This plan was ideal for me. The strifes at home continued, they didn’t improve and neither did bro. He’d begun drinking more, but on the bright side he’d also began leaving the apartment for longer periods of times. The longest he’s been gone at once is up to a week. Though when he did return home he was dead set on spending most of his time strifing, but by now it was just downright beating. Thankfully no friends made it easier to keep this from the public. Once I left the doors of my apartment building I was able to pretend as if life was ok.  


My name being called pulled me out of my thoughts and brought my attention back to the teacher standing at the front of the classroom. He was a balding middle-aged man with a large gut and a monotone voice.  


“David Strider, Karkat Vantas” He announced from the front of the room.  


I didn’t understand what was going on until he continued to list more names from the sheet of paper he held before him. My eyes darted around the room until they landed on the whiteboard. Ah, a group project. I groaned and slouched into my chair. Karkat marched towards my desk, he seemed even more annoyed than I was at the thought of a group project. He pulled a seat towards my desk and sat down with more aggression than ever possibly needed.  


“Lets get fucking started, this is just fan-fucking-tastic.” He spat, emphasizing each word with a wave of his hands and a snarl.  


“Uh yeah sure, what’s the project on?” I asked distractedly while continuing my previous doodle in my notebook.  


I thought it was a simple enough question until he slammed his head onto the table and began ranting about how he ‘can’t fucking believe this, of course I get stuck with the asshole who can’t pull his own shit stained head out of his ass long enough to even comprehend what the projects even supposed to be about’. He continued on like this rambling about how incompetent I am, and how cursed he was to have me as his partner. I chose to ignore the endless stream of insults thrown my way and slipped headphones into my ears.  


“What the fuck do you think you’re doing” He screeched at me while yanking an earbud from my hand.  


“What? Do you want me to sit here and listen to you endlessly insult me?” He seemed to hesitate for a moment as I said this.  


“Uh no uh, lets just get started uh, the projects supposed to be on an era of our choosing.” His voice came out softer this time, it was still hoarse which seemed bound to happen when he spent ninety percent of his time shouting about one thing or another.  


I nodded my head slightly before we began shooting ideas back and forth. We spent the rest of the period trying to figure out an idea for what we should actually do the project on, but never fully reached a solution. When the bell rang he hung behind, awkwardly hovering beside my desk tapping his nails together.  


“So uh, do you have pesterchum because we’ll probably have to meet up outside of school to work on this.” His voice was still loud, albeit softer than it was before we began.  


I gave him a quick nod of the head before tearing off a piece of paper and writing my handle on it. I dropped the paper onto the desk and left the room without a single glance his way.

* * *

Instead of heading to the cafeteria for lunch I took my usual route that brought me out of the school doors and down the neighborhood that would lead me to the woods. Being in the forest gave me a sense of clarity as opposed to the cluster fuck that is Karkat and his friends. I tried to avoid talking to them at all costs. Well, I tried to avoid talking to anyone really. I hadn’t messaged Rose since my first night here. She sent the occasional message to me, asking for us to talk, or wondering where I went, but I never took the time to reply. Guilt usually led me to delete the messages from my inbox all together.  


I shook the the thoughts of Rose out of my mind, they only served to bring me shame. Instead I focused on the trees surrounding me. I’ve grown to know the forest well, navigating it was almost a second nature to me now. I’ve explored each corner of the woods, but the small clearing remained my favorite spot.  


Relief wash through me as I reached the stream. The sounds of birds singing over the gentle splashing of the water instantly calmed me. I kicked off my shoes as I stumbled towards the stone I claimed the first day I found the clearing. I dipped my toes into the water and shivered lightly at the goosebumps that spread over my body. With a sigh of content I leaned back on my hands and let myself get lost in the feelings of nature. A loud vibration brought me out of my serenity. I tried to ignore it in hopes that whoever it was would get the idea, but the messages kept coming. I ripped my phone from my pocket and checked my messages only to be met with a wall of grey text. 

carcinoGenetisist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: HEY ASSMUNCH  
CG: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU I DONT SEE YOU ANYWHERE IN THE CAFETERIA AND WE NEED TO WORK ON OUR FUCKING PROJECT  
CG: GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS WERE NEVER GOING TO GET AN A IF YOU DONT PUT ANY ACTUAL FUCKING EFFORT IN  
CG: WHERE ARE YOU  
TG: sup  
CG: ARE YOU NOT GOING TO ANSWER MY QUESTION STRIDER WHAT THE FUCK  
TG: nah  
CG: COME ON WE NEED TO WORK ON OUR FUCKING PROJECT BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU I ACTUALLY LIKE TO DO WELL IN SCHOOL  
TG: ill have you know i do very well in school man got all these straight as  
TG: but really we dont need to work on this shit outside of class much  
CG: DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO THE TEACHER  
CG: HE SAID WE NEED TO WORK ON IT OUTSIDE OF CLASS ONLY AND ITS WORTH 20 POINTS OF OUR GRADE SO WHEN THE FUCK DO YOU PROPOSE WE WORK ON IT  
TG: fucking fine man we can work on it whenever just throw out a time and a place  
CG: FINE JUST MEET ME AFTER SCHOOL AND WE CAN WORK ON IT AT MY PLACE  
CG: UNLESS YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR PARENTS OR ANYTHING  
TG: nah bro wont give a fuck ill see you after gym i guess man

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGenetisist [CG]

My head was throbbing by the time I put my phone down. Even over text messaging his voice seemed to shoot straight through my skull. With all hopes of a peaceful lunch period smashed I shoved my feet back into my shoes and stood up.  


Tension returned to my muscles when I approached the school. Only one class left, then I can actually do something about the pounding in my head. I yanked the school doors open and reluctantly made my way to the locker rooms. The hallways were already empty with only the occasional students milling about. Normally I’d dread going to gym class, but I was actually decent at it. All the “training” bro puts me through builds my stamina. Though, I can’t seem to put on any muscle, which only disappoints bro.  


I forced the thoughts about him out of my head when I reached the locker rooms. The room was empty with backpacks thrown around hazardously and garbage littering the floor. I stepped through the obstacles to my locker, already ripping off my shirt to change. I tensed when I heard a small intake of breath behind me. I spun on my heels to see who was there. This was obviously a mistake though, as it only served to show him that I not only have scars on my back, but that they crossed my chest as well.  


He looked like a deer caught in headlights as his eyes traveled from my torso to my shaded eyes. I fumbled with my gym shirt and pulled it over my head. Gym seemed much more pleasing than spending another second in this awkward situation. I fled the room towards the field behind the school deciding it was best not to be even more late for gym than I already was.  


Before the door slammed shut behind me I heard a faint “Wait!” echo off the walls. I picked up the pace, practically sprinting to class at this point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember not 2 judge me too hard bc i dont have a beta or any real writing skill


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat sees first hand some pretty scary shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok sorry this took so long bc believe it or not..,,,.. I'm actually moving...... Im at the new house tho so I should be able to write more

I avoided Karkat the entire gym period, it wasn’t hard since he thankfully didn’t try to actually approach me, but I could feel his gaze on me the entire time. Those same eyes that saw the scars I’ve been trying to keep hidden. Now I’m supposed to go to his house and actually spend time with him alone. I considered bailing, not really in the mood for the extremely awkward situation, but here I was, leaning against a tree waiting for him.  


When he finally reached me he avoided eye contact, which I didn’t mind much because I wasn’t a huge fan of eye contact either, especially considering the circumstances. He stood before me shuffling his feet, and occasionally pushing his hand through the mess that he called hair. When the uncomfortable silence stretched on I cleared my throat and tried to start a conversation.

“So, uh, we headed to your place man?” I questioned, it came out strained, causing me to cringe at the uncomfortable atmosphere. 

“Oh, yeah yeah, it’s not that far just uh follow me,” He still spoke with his rough and irritatingly loud voice, which gave me a small sense of relief at the similarity.

He started walking in the opposite direction that I’d normally go, which meant he lived in one of the nicer areas. Part of me was jealous as we passed the orderly houses with kids playing in the perfectly landscaped front yards. I began to wonder what kind of family Karkat would have. It made me think back to the first day I was here, the family with the shopping cart filled with food, checking out while sharing smiles with each other. I tried to imagine Karkat in that family, but found I couldn’t actually picture it, because I’ve never seen his smile.That sent me down an entirely new path of thought about why he never smiled. Although I suppose I wasn’t one to judge because I’m sure no one in this town has ever seen me adorn a smile either.  


* * *

I zoned back into reality when he abruptly stopped in front of a house. It was small and yellow, with the window shutters painted black. The house didn’t suit him really, I’ve never seen him wear anything except gray, and strangely I had imagined that his house would have been the same gray tone. He started up the small pathway to the door while yanking keys out of his pocket. I followed somewhat unsurely, it wasn’t often that I went to other people's houses. Sure, I used to hang out with John and Rose back when we all lived in the same state, but that was years ago. Since then they’ve moved to different places scattered across the country and I slowly dropped contact with them. I loved them, I really did but I couldn’t help but cut off contact with everyone until I was completely alone.  


Karkat purposely clearing his throat pulled me out of my thoughts. He was holding the door open to his house while I stood on the porch. I recollected myself and stepped into the foyer a bit too quickly, stumbling over my own feet. Following karkats lead, I kicked off my shoes and followed him into the living room. 

“Do you want anything to eat or drink, or are you good.” His voice wasn’t very confident as he pointed a thumb weakly towards the kitchen. 

“Got any AJ or Doritos or some shit?” I kept my voice surprisingly steady despite the anxiety eating away at me. 

He shoved a bag of doritos with a glass into my hand he pushed past me towards the stairs. I hung behind for a bit before following his lead. Karkat shoved opened up a white door near the end of the hallway. The room was clean for the most part, but the desk was scattered with books and crumbled papers. His walls were his typical shade of gray in the spaces that weren’t plastered with movie posters. I scanned all of them before coming to the awful realization that they were literally all romantic comedies. I let out a snort before I could even try to hide it. 

“What the fuck you dick sniffing douche, why don’t you enlighten me on what’s so funny,” His arms were crossed tightly over his chest, and his face scrunched more with anger each second. 

“No nothing man, it’s just I didn’t peg you for a RomCom guy. Especially with your whole, uh, crabby thing you got going on,” I threw a smirk his way while I added the last part. 

“What the fu- oh my god, just, never mind. Let’s just work on the project you can just sit there.” I took a seat on his bed, it felt strange being in someone else’s house. My eyes darted around the room hoping to find anything to distract me from my unease.The last thing I wanted right now was to start running my mouth. He was bent over shuffling through his bag and pulling out various papers and books while he was at it. Oh god, I was always used to not finishing assignments or just cruising through them, but of course I didn’t have the best of grades despite what I told others. I felt a flush of embarrassment fill my cheeks as I pulled out my single notebook along with my only pencil. He looked at me over his shoulder at my supplies. 

“That’s all you brought? I’m not gonna carry your ass through this project, Strider,” 

I could feel my face heat up from the humiliation, He must’ve noticed the change in my demeanor, because his face softened for a split second before he went back to shuffling through his bag. A split second was all I needed to be left shocked at the almost gentle expression that had crossed his face. His constantly furrowed brows fell back into place, while his eyes seemed to grow in size. The phrase doe-eyed seemed to make much more sense to me when I saw his face rounded and young.  
He must’ve felt me staring because he turned to face me again and pushed a pile of textbooks in my direction. I didn’t move to open the books or even acknowledge that they had been given to me> I just sat allowing myself the simple joy of tapping out a beat with my pen. He ruined the jam I was creating when he spoke over the silence with his characteristic tone of irritation.  


“Uhm, so we just have to pick a time period and make a poster and an essay about it. Oh, we also have to relate it to our lives and some other useless bullshit.” I rolled my eyes at the last part, of course they always have to make projects personal. Now I’ll have to bullshit my way through that part too. Karkat let out a sigh of agreement before we started reading about the different eras.

* * *

We chose the cover the Great Depression, it made sense that Karkat would choose a time period like that, considering how most everything he wears is depressing in nature. I didn’t do much reading, choosing to instead sneak glances at Karkat as often as I could. I found him pretty, that was an undeniable fact. He was made up of all soft curves and light dustings of freckles. Of course when you reached his face it was always contorted in anger. How could he possibly have the energy to constantly be angry. 

“What?” Karkat was looking me directly in the eyes now. 

“Huh?” The look on his face was confusion bordering on rage. It dawned on me that I must’ve been mumbling aloud. Well shit. “Oh, I just didn’t know you’d be so angry even in your own house man. Like, do you ever just take a single second to let yourself chill. C’mon Karcrab lighten up, pull that metaphorical stick out of your ass.” I barely even registered what I was saying, but part of me knew I was just digging myself into a deeper hole. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose, “Well, Strider, if you’d like to know the reason behind my constant anger then I’ll fucking enlighten you. Instead of coming home to the small piece of happiness that is my alone time I have to bring some new kid from school over to work on some dick fondling project. Oh, and I get to listen to your trashcan of a mouth insult me for being angry, you assmuncher.”  


His voice got consistently louder as his rant went on, when he reached a full on yell I broke out into a cold sweat. I knew my hands were beginning to shake, but I ignored it and gripped the textbook until my knuckles turned white. Blood was roaring in my ears as my entire body reacted to his volume. When he was finished I plastered a fake smirk on my face, although a shaky one at best, and let out a quiet ‘damn dude’. His reaction was gold, he let out a nearly endless groan and shoved his face into the textbook. Only his messy pile of hair was visible above it. My lips tugged into a small smile, I was taken aback when I realized I was smiling. It had been years since I felt any genuine form of joy, yet all it took right now was being around Karkat. He made me forget about my near panic attack, too. Well, almost. My phone lit up to show a message from bro which only served to bring it back worse than it had been before. 

“home, 15 minutes”

I jumped to my feet and started looking for my backpack. Karkat looked up from his book and watched me hastily gather my things. “Where are you going now, oh my god Dave we need to finish this project.” I ignored him in favor of sliding my phone into my back pocket and exiting his room the way we came. He grabbed my arm at the top of the stairs with a ‘wait’. Though it was stopped in his throat when I grabbed his arm and slammed him against the wall face first, his hand pinned behind his back.  
He let out a pained choke. When I realized what I did I pushed myself off of him. Terror was running through me. The thought ‘I’m just like him’ was repeating in my head like a mantra. I didn’t know how long I was staring ahead until Karkat spoke. 

“What in the actual fuck, Dave.” 

Of course I handled it in my signature way. Avoidance. I turned quickly on my heels and dashed towards the door. Without even bothering to put my shoes on I swung the door open and made my way towards the center of town in socked feet.

* * *

The apartment door was already ajar when I arrived, it sent a shiver up my spine. When I nudged the door open I was met with pitch black. All the lamps were turned off, the 

only source of light being emitted from the tv. People were running in deserts with planes overhead, the occasional tacky explosions appearing on screen.  
I pulled my attention from the TV when I heard a small creak in the kitchen. I retrieved my sword from my bag, I stood still waiting for another clue to where he might be. While I was straining my ears a looming figure appeared behind me, casting an even darker shadow over the unlit room. Without thinking I sidestepped away and hopped onto the couch, hoping to gain an upper ground. He swung at me with his blade, but I lept from the couch onto the kitchen floor. From there I bounced on my toes waiting for him to make another move.  


It seemed almost impossible, but he was gone. I glanced around the room for him again, yet he didn’t seem to be there anymore. Apprehension was coursing through me at the feeling of vulnerability. It didn’t help when I felt a hot breath on the side of my neck whisper into my ear. I couldn’t make out what the voice said, all I could focus on was the disgust I felt when I tried to recoil away from the heat, but failed when he pulled me closer to it.  
I almost welcomed the hands coming around my neck compared to his mouth, yet when they began to tighten I couldn’t help but wish it were anything else. I dropped my sword in favor of swinging my fists wildly at his face. My fingers were able to scrape along his features, yet his hands continued to tighten. He was letting out labored breaths into my face as he choked me. The smell of booze being forced into my face made me wrinkle my nose in disgust. A smile was brought to his face at the sight of me in pain. It looked unnatural compared to his constant poker face.  


Air came rushing back to me when he dropped his hands to his sides. I took as many harsh breaths as I could before I heard the sound of a belt behind me. Panic hit me when I turned to see him holding the leather so that the metal clasp hung at the end.  


Before I could process what was going on I could feel my shirt being yanked over my head. I tried to tug it back over my torso, but I knew it was pointless. Especially when he punished me by yanking my hair up, pulling my head along with it. He used his grip on my scalp to force me onto my stomach. I clenched my teeth in preparation for what was coming next. I could almost see his face, twisted into a sadistic smile as he brought the belt down in a swift motion. My nails dug hard into the wood leaving behind scratches, though those would pale in comparison to the marks left behind on my back.  


Bro only got through three strikes with the belt before a faint knocking echoed through the apartment. I wasn’t sure whether I was saved, or whether my punishment was only going to get worse afterwards. Bro spat out a quiet ‘stay still’ when he kicked me aside with his sneaker. I listened to the heavy thud of his steps as he walked casually to the door. The creaking of the door sounded before someone began to speak. I could immediately recognize the voice, and I internally cursed him for being such an idiot. Of course Karkat Vantas would be the one to follow me all the way home. I realized with alarm that I wouldn’t be able to face him right now, he’d freak out in his usual Karkat manner if he walked in only to see me bloodied against the floor with deep welts mixed with the occasional cut forming on my back.  


In a fit of panic I reached for my shirt and pulled it on, I clenched my teeth trying to hide my pained noises as the fabric assaulted my raw back. More quiet chatter could be heard from the front door as I reached to my face and wiped the remnants of blood away. A streak of red was left on my hand. Shakily, I rose to my feet and peered around the corner to the door. Bro was blocking the doorway with his wide frame, but from behind I could see Karkat standing before him nervously.  
I could just barely make out the conversation from where I leaned against the wall.

“Seriously, I need to see him we need to work on a project together. If we don’t finish we’ll both fail!” Karkat was clearly trying to suppress his frustration. Though he wasn’t doing a good job judging from the volume of his voice. 

“Listen kid, Dave said he didn’t want to see you so screw off.” Bros voice was slightly slurred from the alcohol he had no doubt been drinking since this morning. 

Karkat threw his arms up while he shouted “Bullshit just let me see him!” He tried to push past bro, but he threw an arm up to block the entrance. Karkat, being the determined guy he is, opted to duck beneath his arm and bolt into the apartment.  


He was met with a toppled over couch, along with various pieces of broken furniture from past strifes that neither of us had ever bothered to clean up. My sword was still sat askew on the floor, with small puddles of blood smeared across the ground under it. His eyes widened the longer he stared at the scene. When his eyes finally locked on me I froze, unable to process what was going on. I only took in my appearance when I watched his eyes glance up and down my body, taking in my state of dishevelment. My face was swollen, with blood smeared across my cheeks. While my shirt was sticking uncomfortably tight on my body, mostly due to the sweat and blood that had soaked through it. I was a mess, but somehow I found myself wanting him to see how much of a mess I was. I knew it was dangerous letting someone know what was happening, it’s what had caused bro and I to move in the first place, yet I stood in the open allowing him to take in the scene before him.  


We locked gazes. Scarlet eyes met chestnut ones, and I watched karkat stare at me, unmoving, as bro grabbed him and shoved him out the door. Even after the door was shut and bro was punishing me for the incident that had just occurred I could still feel Karkat’s eyes boring into mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember i dont have anyone else read these n I exclusively write at night p much n its usually v fueled by my emotions as well so its prolly not good


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this ones kinda short n i havent written in ages sorry but here she is.... also I typepd this up in like an hour so if theres any typos let me live

Mortification was the only word I could use to describe how I felt right now. All weekend I had agonized over the mistake I had made. I couldn’t for the life of me think of a good reason as to why I let Karkat see what was going on. I had come to this town with the intent to be more cautious, to keep myself from getting into trouble, or more specifically, to keep myself from getting taken away. Yet, I had let Karkat see me in my weakest state, all while bro had been too drunk to even remember what had happened. When he woke up in the morning with swollen red fists and a wicked hangover he had assumed it was the same situation as usual. I wasn’t inclined to tell him what had happened, so for now I could only hope that child protective services wouldn’t come storming into our apartment.  


I dreaded showing up to school today. I’d be forced to see Karkat and it would only serve to make things uncomfortable for both of us. Not to mention the fact that he saw my eyes that night. I got out of bed at a snail's pace, trying to slow down time, but ultimately failing. I gathered my clothes and walked into the hallway casually. Bro hadn’t been home since Saturday morning. He woke up and immediately left, which isn’t any different than his normal behavior really. Although I can’t shake the feeling of unease that comes with not being able to know where bro is at any given moment.  


With the bathroom camera securely covered I went to getting dressed, which can be a hard task when I’m trying to avoid looking at any of the bruises littering my skin. When I spotted one out of the corner of his eye I couldn’t help but stare at it. I couldn’t suppress my strange fascination when it came to bruises, but when I saw the way they stood out against my nearly translucent skin I couldn’t tell if I was enthralled or disgusted.  


I shook away those thoughts and yanked my sweatshirt over my head with more force than necessary. The kitchen was still in its constant state of disarray, even the dried blood remained crusted on the floor. A wave of nausea hit me, making me gag and turn away. I could still feel his putrid breath on my skin and his hands twisted around my neck. I stumbled to the door and practically fell out of the apartment as he tried to distance myself from the events of last Friday.

* * *

My body seemed to be on auto-pilot as my legs carried me away from the school doors towards the familiar neighborhood that led to the forest. I could faintly hear the first bell ringing in the distance, signaling that students had to report to class. That didn’t deter me from continuing to walk in the opposite direction of the school.  
Who would they even call, bro? I chuckled bitterly at his own thought. Bro had never been one for discipline. Well, not traditional discipline. He couldn’t care less whether I attended school or not. Though, breaking one of his rules, that was another story altogether. Sometimes a broken rule wasn’t even required, all he really needed was enough alcohol and he’d jump on any chance he could to make my life hell.  


Reaching the familiar wooden fence helped to ease some of my resentful thoughts. It never ceased to amaze me how the forest seemed to always calm me. Perhaps it was the nature, with its constantly humid air and dewy plants. I took in a deep breath relishing in the way the air tasted of greenery.  


My bliss was shattered by a shrill voice shouting out a faint ‘Wait!’. When I spun around I was met with Karkat’s rapidly approaching form. Karkat had this strange habit of always showing up when he wasn’t wanted. Hoping to avoid the unbearable conversation he’d want to have I lept over the fence into the woods and began to sprint down my usual path. Mud was splashing onto my ankles every time my feet hit the ground. Glancing over my shoulder I saw that Karkat was still tailing me, albeit less gracefully.  


I was relieved when the familiar clearing came into view, with its stream cutting across the center. I twisted his head around once again to watch Karkat follow after me when I felt my foot slam into a rock. Reflexively I pushed my hands out in front of me, though it didn’t help much considering that I still tumbled into the mud. I could immediately feel it soak through my clothes, turning them brown. 

“Damn dude, there goes the last of my clean clothes. You hurt me, Karkat,” I said while scooping a handful of mud off my chest.

Karkat finally reached me while I was sat on the ground trying to clean myself off. He keeled over with his hands on his knees, letting out quick harsh breaths. His face was covered in a sheen of sweat making him appear at home in the dewey forest. While he continued to pant I spoke up again, hoping to end the conversation before it even began. I let out a labored sigh to get his attention. 

“Listen, Karkat, we really don’t need to talk about this. Can you just forget it, please?” It hurt to beg him, but at this point I was desperate to drop the subject. 

“What? Of course we have to talk about it!” He shouted, throwing his arms in the air before continuing. “You can’t live there anymore, we have to tell someone, and get you out of there. He could kill you, Dave. We can go to the po-”

I cut him off by covering his mouth with my mud coated hand. He recoiled, probably because the feeling of wet dirt sliding across his mouth. “Karkat, please? Let this go.” Part of me was hoping he’d persist more, I was close to letting everything pour out of me. My thoughts screamed at me, demanding a release. Every memory of pain started to spin around his thoughts at rapid speeds. Every time he starved me, beat me, tore me down with his aggression, came rushing to me.  
One memory in particular stood out against the rest. I was watching the event outside of my body. I could see myself, seven years old, hiding under my bed. An actual bed, in an actual home, but suddenly my legs were being pulled out from my hiding spot. I could almost remember the feeling of terror that had attacked my senses at that very moment. A man with a gun tucked into the waist of his jeans yanked me to my feet by an iron grip on my arm. I was wailing when he threw me over his shoulder and carried me to the next room, where my mom was kneeled on the floor already bloodied.  


Everything happened so quickly when I watched. The two men were ransacking the apartment, tearing it apart searching for anything of value. When they came up empty handed they stormed back to my mother. I watched the larger of the two stand before her, he jerked her head up by her hair to look into her eyes. Her eyes were swollen with varying colors of bruises spread around them. I stared at the scene with my jaw tensed, tears were threatening to fall from my eyes when I watched the man raise his hand to line the barrel of his gun directly between her eyes. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she squeezed her eyes shut in preparation. There was no way to prepare for what came next. I’ve seen it replayed in my mind a hundred times over but I still flinched every time it came to this part. The man channeled all his rage into one last sneer when he pulled the trigger. Time seemed to slow down when I watched blood splatter onto the side of my young, tear stained face. I could nearly feel the warmth of the blood on my skin even now, I could still hear the thump of her body as it slammed into the ground. The last expression she made was one of dread before her life was ripped away from her, taking the only piece of home I had left with her.  


Karkat didn’t even have an opportunity to respond before I fell forward onto his shoulder and let out a small whimper. I could feel the fear I felt that day rushing through my veins and squeezing my heart. Tears fell from my eyes when I pushed my glasses onto my head, giving me room to shove my fists into my eyes. Karkat hesitantly reached his arms around me, after a moment of holding his arms in the air awkwardly he pulled me closer to his chest. I could feel his hair tickling his cheek while my body warmed his torso. I lost all control over myself as I allowed sobs to rip out of my body.  


Finally after years of keeping my emotions in check, not allowing myself to feel the pain that was cruelly dealt to me, I broke down. If bro could see me in this moment he’d be disappointed, or maybe he’d be enraged. Either way, I let myself fall to pieces in front of Karkat. Tears were soaking into his shirt when I reached to his back and gripped his shirt to pull him closer to me. I could practically feel his heartbeat, it briefly occurred to me that maybe he could feel my own heart rapidly beating out of my chest.  


Karkat seemed to grow more confident when he reached one of his hands to my head and began to pet my hair. Strangely, the small touches soothed me, pulling me back to reality. I hated myself for enjoying this. Here I was letting out everything I was meant to keep inside, and on top of that I was allowing myself to be comforted. Karkat made me uneasy. I’ve always tried to avoid him, he’s noticed far too much since the first day he’s met me, yet here I was being held in his arms and actually relishing in the consolation.  


I pulled back after several minutes of violently weeping into his arms. The tears drying on my cheeks left my skin feeling tight. I stared directly into his eyes unguarded for the second time. I thanked god when Karkat didn’t talk again, choosing to simply lay down on my usual rock near the stream. He left room beside himself, presumably for myself. I allowed myself to break another one of my rules and situated myself next to him with my eyes fixed on the clouds above. With a heavy sigh I closed my eyes and surrendered to the feeling of warmth and comfort being emitted from Karkat's body.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im kinda fast tracking this because im not super into the pov and i have different ideas for fics but i still wanna finish this. Also dave is rly ooc i know but its bc i write him based off my mood which is 100% emo, and its focusing less on karkat now and more on just dave n whats going on with him sorry its kinda eh but i wanna write other fics that i can feel more than this one

Mortification was the only word I could use to describe how I felt right now. All weekend I had agonized over the mistake I had made. I couldn’t for the life of me think of a good reason as to why I let Karkat see what was going on. I had come to this town with the intent to be more cautious, to keep myself from getting into trouble, or more specifically, to keep myself from getting taken away. Yet, I had let Karkat see me in my weakest state, all while bro had been too drunk to even remember what had happened.  


When he woke up in the morning with swollen red fists and a wicked hangover he had assumed it was the same situation as usual. I wasn’t inclined to tell him what had happened, so for now I could only hope that child protective services wouldn’t come storming into our apartment.  


I dreaded showing up to school today. I’d be forced to see Karkat and it would only serve to make things uncomfortable for both of us. Not to mention the fact that he saw my eyes that night. I got out of bed at a snail's pace, trying to slow down time, but ultimately failing.  
I gathered my clothes and walked into the hallway casually. Bro hadn’t been home since Saturday morning. He woke up and immediately left, which isn’t any different than his normal behavior really. Although I can’t shake the feeling of unease that comes with not being able to know where bro is at any given moment.  
With the bathroom camera securely covered I went to getting dressed, which can be a hard task when I’m trying to avoid looking at any of the bruises littering my skin. When I spotted one out of the corner of his eye I couldn’t help but stare at it. I couldn’t suppress my strange fascination when it came to bruises, but when I saw the way they stood out against my nearly translucent skin I couldn’t tell if I was enthralled or disgusted.  


I shook away those thoughts and yanked my sweatshirt over my head with more force than necessary. The kitchen was still in its constant state of disarray, even the dried blood remained crusted on the floor. A wave of nausea hit me, making me gag and turn away. I could still feel his putrid breath on my skin and his hands twisted around my neck. I stumbled to the door and practically fell out of the apartment as he tried to distance myself from the events of last Friday.

* * *

My body seemed to be on auto-pilot as my legs carried me away from the school doors towards the familiar neighborhood that led to the forest. I could faintly hear the first bell ringing in the distance, signaling that students had to report to class. That didn’t deter me from continuing to walk in the opposite direction of the school.  
Who would they even call, bro? I chuckled bitterly at my own thought. Bro had never been one for discipline. Well, not traditional discipline. He couldn’t care less whether I attended school or not. Though, breaking one of his rules, that was another story altogether. Sometimes a broken rule wasn’t even required, all he really needed was enough alcohol and he’d jump on any chance he could to make my life hell.  


Reaching the wooden fence helped to ease some of my resentful thoughts. It never ceased to amaze me how the forest seemed to always calm me. Perhaps it was the nature, with its constantly humid air and dewy plants. I took in a deep breath relishing in the way the air tasted of greenery.  


My bliss was shattered by a shrill voice shouting out a faint ‘Wait!’. When I spun around I was met with Karkat’s rapidly approaching form. Karkat had this strange habit of always showing up when he wasn’t wanted. Hoping to avoid the unbearable conversation he’d want to have I lept over the fence into the woods and began to sprint down my usual path. Mud was splashing onto my ankles every time my feet hit the ground. Glancing over my shoulder I saw that Karkat was still tailing me, albeit less gracefully.  
I was relieved when the clearing came into view, with its stream cutting across the center. I twisted my head around once again to watch Karkat follow after me when I felt my foot slam into a rock. Reflexively I pushed my hands out in front of me, though it didn’t help much considering that I still tumbled into the mud. I could immediately feel it soak through my clothes, turning them a disgusting shade of brown. 

“Damn dude, there goes the last of my clean clothes. You hurt me, Karkat,” I complained sarcastically while scooping a handful of mud off my chest.

Karkat finally reached me while I was sat on the ground trying to clean myself off, though it wasn’t helping much. He keeled over with his hands on his knees, letting out quick harsh breaths. His face was covered in a sheen of sweat that reflected the sunlight, seeming to make him glow. While he continued to pant I spoke up again, hoping to end the conversation before it even began. I let out a labored sigh to get his attention. 

“Listen, Karkat, we really don’t need to talk about this. Can you just forget it, please?” It hurt to beg him, but at this point I was desperate to drop the subject. 

“What? Of course we have to talk about it!” He shouted, throwing his arms in the air before continuing. “You can’t live there anymore, we have to tell someone, and get you out of there. He could kill you, Dave. We can go to the po-”

I cut him off by covering his mouth with my mud coated hand. He recoiled, probably due to the feeling of wet dirt sliding across his lips. “Karkat, please? Let this go.” Part of me was hoping he’d persist more, I was close to letting everything pour out of me. My thoughts screamed at me, demanding a release. Every memory of pain started to spin around my head at rapid speeds. Every time he starved me, beat me, tore me down with his aggression, came rushing to me.  


* * *

One memory in particular stood out against the rest. I was watching the event outside of my body. I could see myself, seven years old, hiding under my bed. An actual bed, in an actual home, but suddenly my legs were being pulled out from my hiding spot. I could almost remember the feeling of terror that had attacked my senses at that very moment. A man with a gun tucked into the waist of his jeans yanked me to my feet by an iron grip on my arm. I was wailing when he threw me over his shoulder and carried me to the next room, where my mom was kneeled on the floor, already bloodied.  


Everything had happened so quickly when I watched. The two men were ransacking the apartment, tearing it apart searching for anything of value. When they came up empty handed they stormed back to my mother. I watched the larger of the two stand before her, he jerked her head up by her hair to look into her eyes, which were swollen with varying colors of bruises spread around them. I stared at the scene with my jaw tensed, tears were threatening to fall from my eyes when I watched the man raise his hand to line the barrel of his gun directly between her eyes. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she squeezed her eyes shut in preparation. There was no way to really prepare for what came next. I’ve seen it replayed in my mind a hundred times over but I still flinched every time it came to this part. The man channeled all his rage into one last sneer when he pulled the trigger. Time seemed to slow down when I watched blood splatter onto the side of my young, tear stained face. I could nearly feel the warmth of the blood on my skin even now, I could still hear the thump of her body as it slammed into the ground. The last expression she made was one of dread before her life was ripped away from her, taking the only piece of home I had left with her.  


* * *

Karkat didn’t even have an opportunity to respond before I fell forward onto his shoulder and let out a small whimper. I could feel the fear I felt that day rushing through my veins and squeezing my heart. Tears fell from my eyes when I pushed my glasses onto my head, giving me room to shove my fists into my eyes. Karkat hesitantly reached his arms around me, after a moment of holding his arms in the air awkwardly he pulled me closer to his chest. I could feel his hair tickling his cheek while my body warmed his torso. I lost all control over myself as I allowed sobs to rip out of my body.  


Years of keeping my emotions in check, not allowing myself to feel the pain that was cruelly dealt to me. If bro could see me in this moment he’d be disappointed, or maybe he’d be enraged. Either way, I let myself break in front of Karkat. Tears were soaking into his shirt when I reached to his back and gripped his shirt to pull him closer to me. I could practically feel his heartbeat, it briefly occurred to me that maybe he could feel my own heart rapidly beating out of his chest.  


He seemed to grow more confident when he reached one of his hands to my head and began to pet my hair. Strangely, the small touches soothed me, pulling me back to reality. I hated myself for enjoying this. Here I was letting out everything I was meant to keep inside, and on top of that I was allowing myself to be comforted. Karkat made me weak. I’ve always tried to avoid him, he’s noticed far too much since the first day he’s met me, yet here I was being held in his arms and actually relishing in the consolation.  


I pulled back after several minutes of violently weeping into his arms. The tears drying on my cheeks left my skin feeling tight. I stared directly into his eyes unguarded for the second time. I thanked god when Karkat didn’t talk again, choosing to simply lay down on my usual rock near the stream. He left room beside himself, presumably for myself. I allowed myself to break another one of my rules and situated myself next to him with my eyes fixed on the clouds above. With a heavy sigh I closed my eyes and surrendered to the feeling of warmth and comfort being emitted from Karkats body.

* * *

The next day he found Karkat standing outside the school waiting for me. When I kept walking he rushed to my side. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to happen. The rational part of me knew I had to cut him from his life, seclude myself to protect myself. Especially after yesterday's events, letting him see me in that state was terrifying and left me ashamed for the rest of the day until I fell into a fitful slumber that night. Instead I found myself turning slightly to watch the light filtering through the clouds dance across his skin. His eyes flickered towards me, when he saw me staring his entire face darkened and he snapped his head forward. Thankfully, my shades were able to hide the pink that tinted my cheeks.  


We kept walking in a comfortable silence, taking the familiar route towards the rotting fence. It felt strange allowing Karkat into my hidden sanctuary, especially more than once, yet here he was leading the way through the dense woods to the clearing.

* * *

That wasn’t the last time Karkat tagged along with me to the forest. At first he only came a few times a week, but it quickly turned to everyday. Some days it was quiet and understanding as we let each other be miserable, and take comfort in the present of each other. Other days it was chaotic and fun, we’d talk for hours, playing silly games in between. However, it always had to come to an end, leaving me to walk back to the apartment sluggishly, hoping to try and postpone the inevitable.  
Walking home felt strangely empty without the company of someone by my side. Although we rarely talked while we walked, the comfortable silence was enough to put me at ease. Now the silence felt too sharp, it put me on edge and had me flinching at every distant noise. The closer I got to the apartment the more fearful I became, with the dark alleyways beside me always emitting some sort of racket. I shoved my headphones into my ears, turning my music up to the highest setting in hopes to calm my nerves, but it only made my body tense up more than before.  


I longed to turn around and go anywhere but home. Annoyingly, I wanted to see Karkat. We hadn’t talked for more than a month or so, yet here I was, yearning for his company. Of course, instead of following my gut I continued my way towards the complex. Perhaps the feeling of dread in my stomach should have tipped me off, or maybe the way it seemed to get gloomier the closer I got to the apartment, but when I was stood in front of my door I knew I shouldn’t have come home that night. I had only wished I could have stayed with Karkat longer, taking in as much of him as possible before it was too late.


End file.
